R.I.P. Just Killed the Cat

Word to Young Jeezy.

In my college apartment I had three roommates. I had different levels of “like” for each of them. Apparently, it’s not any different post-college. Now I only have one human roommate and two furry roommates. One I hate, one I tolerate and one I am just indifferent about. The dog is basically one of the best roommates I’ve ever had. I honestly forget he’s here. I also forget if he’s actually a “he.” But, it doesn’t even matter because he minds his own business, lays out on the floor melting from the heat and stays in the other room. In fact, the dog and I are a lot alike, that must be why he’s my favorite.

My least favorite roommate isn’t a cat from hell; he is the cat from hell. He is annoying, he won’t leave me alone and his favorite activity is trying to push my door open at night. When I was viewing the place I thought “Aw how cute! A kitty! Just like at home.” Then when my human roommate explained to me that he was there to kill the rats I thought “Aw how gross! A rat killer! But what a useful little buddy.”

In my week of living here I’m pretty sure I have telecommuted to the cat that I hate his guts 130 times. His telecommuting device must be broken though because each time he thinks I want to get closer to him.

One hot 90 degree weather day, I returned to work, excited to eat my cold, 3 day old pizza and wash the subway off of my hands. I was getting ready to head into the room when my furry foe decided to dash into the room and I could NOT get him out. I ended up having to use my freshly washed hands to pick him up, toss him out and start the process all over again.

While I wish this creature would disappear I would never want to harm him. Okay, maybe not never just at least not yet. Okay just not today. The day before he decided to run an obstacle course in the room is when he showed his true colors. I was washing my hands to get ready to eat my then 2 day old cold pizza, (mmm fresh), and I had unknowingly made a huge mistake.

First of all, this room door is not a normal door. It doesn’t have a lock in the door. It doesn’t even close all of the way. However on one of my three trips to drop off my belongings I noticed there was this sad little metal latch on the inside of the door for privacy. What I didn’t know the first few days is that there is a rusty, industrial hook and eye on the outside of the door to keep it closed from the outside. I had already opened my window and placed the fan in it to hopefully take the heat level from flesh burning to flesh melting, (although I’m not so sure either of those options are better than the other). Upon my return the door was open and of course that meant the enemy was in there. With a quick scan I couldn’t find him and gave into the fact he would piss me off during my meal…until I looked up. This cat was outside of the window on the ledge! And by window ledge I mean the 2 inches where the brick stands out from the building. Thankfully he decided to jump towards me instead of taking one kitty paw step to his death.

The moral of the story is this cat hates me SO much he tried to kill himself on my watch! I refuse to become homeless for this animal, but unfortunately, (or fortunately *insert maniacal laughter here*), I don’t believe this will be the last time.

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